YEEEEOOOOW!!!

Now, it could have been worse; he got me on the kneecap of all places. Sure, it was painful to walk all day... but I shudder to think of some of the more tender body parts he could have chosen. Ahem.

Anyway, as I was rolling around on the ground clutching my knee... oops... I mean, "standing there quietly dealing with the pain as any Big Bad Dominant would," I wryly thought to myself it was a shame I wasn't a masochist so I could enjoy this.

I was joking, of course.

But then, as I limped my way through the rest of the mowing, it dawned on me that the "of course" part might not be obvious to those outside the scene. At which point I realized this would be a good subject for a feature article.

See... and you were wondering if there was a point to this story.

Pain versus Pain!

The simple fact is, a masochist likes hitting his thumb with a hammer or banging her shin on a car door no more than do you or I.

(Here it comes, I can feel it...)

Now wait just a doggone minute, James! Masochists like pain. They get off on pain. You said so yourself a long time ago!

Well, no, not all people who identify as "masochists" like pain. But for the moment let's be simplistic and assume they do. The tricky part is, it has to be the right kind of pain... and at the right time.

Let me see if I can draw a parallel. Imagine you're a skydiver (heck, maybe you are!) You love the thrill of falling through the air, feeling the wind against you as you plummet towards the ground, the sudden yank from the opening parachute that spells security, the leisurely drifting the rest of the way to Earth. In fact, you pay a great deal of money for the privilege of riding up in an airplane and throwing yourself at the ground.

All well and good. But now suppose you're on a commuter flight heading to a business meeting. Everything's going along fine when, suddenly and without a single word, a bunch of guys grab you, strap a parachute on you, and shove you out of the plane.

Guess what? No matter how much you love sky diving, the odds are good you're going to have a panic attack. You'll probably yank the cord as soon as humanly possible. And as you float down to Mother Earth, I'll wager you won't be enjoying the free trip; instead, you'll probably be doing a slow boil. Seem like a reasonable assessment?

But why? You love skydiving, remember? Ah, but this is different. Because you're doing it against you will, in a way and at a time that's beyond your control. You didn't have an opportunity to savor the preparation, be in the mood, or even get ready mentally, emotionally, or physically. It just happened!

So it is with masochists and pain.

Unsolicited Pain

Joseph W. Bean, a BDSM writer and editor for several SM magazines throughout his career, calls pain the "weed-word" of sensation:

Last year's carnations are unwanted when they push up among this year's tidy rows of pansies. They are weeds. They are plants not wanted in this place at this time. Just so, pain can be seen as a sensation that is not welcome at a particular time, coming in the way it does.

No, a masochist doesn't enjoy accidental pain -- what I call "unsolicited pain." In addition to the sheer audacity a coffee table displays in attacking your shin in the middle of the night, on top of the surprise element and the inconvenience of hopping around on one leg, there is the matter of "warming up."

If you watch a typical flogging or similar SM session, you'll see the dominant start out slowly and build the intensity over time. Keep an eye on the "bottom" -- the one on the receiving end -- and you may be able to see him or her slowly slip into "subspace." Masochists work with the pain, changing it into something they can digest and use to their benefit and enjoyment. Part of this change comes from the endorphins naturally released by the body, but I believe there's a large mental aspect as well. And all of it takes time.

Every reputable BDSM resource will stress the importance of a warm-up period. Here are quotes from several references, pulled at random from my library:

Erotic Power - Most dominants... increase the pain they administer, gradually arousing the submissive so he can take more intense sensations... They agree that pain must be controlled, for... unexpected pain... is not erotic.

Different Loving - A consensual whipping usually entails a lengthy physical building-up to prepare for more intense sensation... rash newcomers and those who do not grasp the subtleties of slowly arousing erotic tension are likely to cause harm.

Learning the Ropes - Always start slowly and build the intensity of the blows gradually. It is a very common error for the top to strike... too hard and/or too fast. Generally, the first strikes should be soft and gentle.

What's being described here is a far cry from hitting one's thumb with a hammer!

So take pity on the masochist who whacks a shin or stubs a toe or jams a finger. Or, for that matter, dominants who get zapped while cutting the grass.

(Oh... if you're wondering how I really reacted to being stung, it was somewhere between the extremes I mentioned. And I only cursed a couple of times. Under my breath. Honest.)

Off to get a quote on paving the lawn,

Jack Rinella, noted author and long-time Leatherman, shares his views on Pain and Pleasure.

You can order any of the books quoted above from Escape's BDSM Bookstore.